Computer jokes

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Learning should never be dull and boring. Humor is an excellent stimulant and it enhances the learning process. I am, therefore, including in this section some computer related jokes that I have collected from the Internet. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do. Needless to say, I do not take any credit for these jokes. They have been taken from the Internet, and I do not know who actually created them. To the best of my knowledge, these jokes/anecdotes are in the Public Domain and hence publishing them here will not constitute any copyright infringement. If you are the creator of some of these jokes and/or have the copyright of some of them, please e-mail me. I shall give you credit for the jokes or shall promptly remove the jokes from this page.

Okay, get ready to laugh. Here we go:

A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the Any Key is.

In a computer store one customer held the mouse in the air and pointed it at the screen like a TV remote, all the while clicking madly.

Customer: "I have a very big problem! If you don't help me right now I will return the computer!"
Tech Support: "Well sir, what can I do for you?"
Customer: "Well, I just got my system today, and my friend installed a screen saver, and it comes up fine...BUT EVERY TIME I MOVE THE MOUSE IT GOES AWAY!!!!!!!"

In a computer class for retired school teachers, the instructor explained how to use the mouse to point to things on the screen. As the instructor walked around the classroom to make sure everyone was doing OK, he saw one woman holding her mouse to the Mac's monitor moving the mouse around on the screen.

SAT technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another SAT customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

An instructor was teaching an old lady about windows.
Instructor: "Move the cursor up to the menu line. . . . Move the cursor to the menu line. . . . Move the mouse up to move the cursor up to the menu line. . . ."
Still, nothing was happening on the screen. Finally the instructor looked over the student's right shoulder to see what she was doing. She had raised the mouse literally up -- about a foot off the desk.

A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and hot water and soaked the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and scrubbed them individually.

One lady, in a Windows class, was having a terrible time with the mouse until the instructor noticed that she was literally pointing with her finger and clicking the mouse.

Tech Support: "Now, type 'f' to 'fix'."
Customer: "Is that 'f' as in 'fix'?"

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the open desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'. You asked me to write 'click' again. So I wrote 'click' again."

Tech Support: "Tell me, is the cursor still there?"
Customer: "No, I'm alone right now."

Tech Support: "OK, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained about how hard it was to hit the mouse buttons. She was quite embarrassed when the telephone support person asked her to rotate the mouse so that the tail pointed away from her.

A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer."

Supposedly true story:
"We taught first-years how to cope with using a computer. We had one chap who spent ages with the mouse upside down, using it as a trackball, before he came and asked us if there was a better way."

Tech Support: "OK, now right click."
Customer: "Which one's that?"
Tech Support: "On right side of mouse."
Customer: "I'm left handed."
Tech Support: "OK, well, look at the mouse and click whichever button you normally don't click on."
Customer: "That's the left for me."
Tech Support: "OK, click that."
Customer: "With which hand?"

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An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the mouse.

Overheard in a computer store:
Customer: "I'd like a mouse pad, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...."
The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions for installing software. The instructions said to remove the disk from its cover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing of the disk and wondered why there were problems.

A few years ago my friend came home to find about six mouse pads lying around the house, one in the corner of each room. When he asked his mom why, she told him she had gone down to the store and seen them on sale, so she bought some. But she couldn't figure out how the mice's feet stuck to them, because they didn't feel that sticky.

True story from a Novell NetWare Sysop:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute his phone because he couldn't bear it anymore. He was laughing very hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

Customer: "I can't do this button right."
Tech Support: "Come again?"
Customer: "I can't do this button on the screen. It says I have to click on this button, but I can't seem to figure it right."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, exactly how are you trying to click on the screen?"
Customer: "Well, I'm pressing the button on the screen with the mouse thing."
Tech Support: "Wait a second -- are you touching the screen?"
Customer: "Of course! I'm pressing the mouse thing on the button!"
The client was physically touching the screen with the mouse. The tech person had her put her poor mouse down onto its mouse pad and vainly tried to explain to her the relationship between mouse and cursor. She didn't get it. It was like a video game that was too hard for her.
Tech Support: "Move the cursor onto the button that says 'Next'."
Customer: "OK...OK...come on, move over there...come on come on comeoncomeoncomeon...DAMNIT, I went past it! OK, get back there, come on you stupid thing...come on...OK! OK, I GOT IT ON THERE! IT'S ON THE BUTTON!!!"
Tech Support: (face in hands) "Now press the button on the mouse.
Customer: "Nothing happens."
Tech Support: "Are you pressing the right button or the left button?"
Customer: "How am I supposed to know which one is the right one to press?"
Tech Support: "Not right as in 'correct;' right as in 'the opposite of left.'"
Customer: "Oh. Yes, I'm pressing the right one."
Tech Support: "You need to press the left one."
Customer: "But I'm left-handed, and I want to press the other one."

Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

A lady struck up a conversation with me on an airplane.
Her: "And where are you going?"
Me: "I'm going to San Francisco to a UNIX convention."
Her: "Eunuchs convention? I didn't know there were that many of you."

And here is a hilarious medical joke video as an extra bonus!

Have a great day, everybody. And happy computing!

For a full list of my videos, click on Catalog of My Videos. There is something for practically all normal human beings!

If you need help using the Internet, check out the companion site:
Internet Basics For Seniors
If you need help with Windows XP, check out the companion site:
Help with Windows XP (New)
If you are an absolutely beginner in computing, check out:

ABC's of Computing

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